Alright everyone, we're starting this up again. In a momentary fit of weakness I closed down the other blog, but there is no reason we should allow ourselves to be silenced here. They may have taken our books away, but they haven't taken our voices.
Write on, my comrades in truth!
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An anonymous site created after our school's principal confiscated and destroyed all copies of the book we wrote together (and led to my resignation). It allowed my students the chance to safely, secretly confess the things that they would never otherwise be able to. It was a book wherein authentic catharsis took place and the students knew that their truth had been heard and no longer needed to be hidden in the shadows of their souls. We began this blog as a way of defending justice.
"I am an extremist of love."
Martin Luther King, Jr.
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About Me
Love is the force that makes us fully human.
What separates us from other species is not only our ability to change and rationalize, but our capacity to love.
- C. J. Velin
- C. J. Velin
Things are thieves of time
Because the more things you have, the more time you have to spend working for them.
- Nathan Gardels
- Nathan Gardels
154 comments:
hey i'm the first one. cool.
im sick and tired off people that i care about making stupid choices. thats the number one thing thats bothering me right now.
another problem is that i have people in my life who say they care about me, but i don't know if they "truly" do.
ughh...
miss velin please tell me you did not get fired
i was literally gonna protest against the tyrants at that school
Feeling Rebellious are we?
I could careless of what the principal or what the administration has to say, they can suck my big toe.
What you did was truly a beautiful thing that most of us appreciate from you and I also appreciate how your mind works. There is really not many people like you in this world. Do us all a favor and never let anyone stop you from doing what you do.
Thank you
yes!!!
that ridiculous school
gets on my nerves
they should be firing teachers who dont do their jobs not ones who try to do something good
mr A,miss foot and miss limbrick lost my respect!
I'm going to kinko's with my book; or, my abomination rather. Good night.
Do u fear 4 ur sanity?
I dont fear 4 my sanity
Do u fear 4 ur children?
I dont fear 4 mine
I havent got any
r u afraid they'll take ur house away?
I dont, I dont live in a house
I live in an instutution
do u fear 4 ur health?
I dont fear 4 mine
this place is full of doctors
do u fear for ur life?
I dont fear 4 my life
In fact I dont fear
anything. At least nothing
i've see recently
but dont worry ur just
as sane as i am
and im
At The Brink Of Sanity
No, I haven't been fired. I've been reassured that they don't have the legal ground to stand on. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but I'm ready to defend what we did as long as I have to.
i just want to say thank you for having us open up. even if people do not like what we wrote it help me out.
thanks to a great english teacher that helped everyone open up the good and the bad in ones self.
mrs.velin!
can't tell you how happy i am to see this blog again
and don't worry
i'm ready to help out for the cause
you have given us a voice
and nobody can take that away now
Why exactly was the other blog removed? Did the administration ask the website to remove it? It seems a bit ridiculous in my opinion.
I can set up a blog or forum in a domain name I own if you want Miss Velin. That way you won't have to run the risk of losing all the posts.
Prototech,
Tell me more. How do we do that and would I still be able to moderate all comments? Would it be a blogspot or a website?
You know, Ms. Velin. You don't need to put your name on this site. You can set up a site without your name, and login as something else.
We need a server, paid and maintained, to run a website. A mere blogspot just isn't enticing enough I'm afraid.
I totally disagree. Post A Secret is blogspot and the books associated with that site have sold hundreds of thousands of copies. A blog is perfectly fine.
I think the principal has just given us a chance for glory by confiscating our books. Armed to the teeth with weapons of words, we can definately tell them what we feel now.
It's just like when Socrates' government had condemned him to death for "inciting" crazy ideas to youths. He died and they made a sort of philosophy-martyr out of him.
Of course, we aren't going to die. But we sure as hell ain't gonna stand here doing nothing either.
Fight on, guys.
It would be on a subdomain on my site, for example http://thethingsneversaid.proto-tech.org/... you would still be able to moderate the posts and would have more control over it.
A forum, or also known as a discussion board, would be the best choice in my opinion as it would organize things a bit better and allow users to keep track of unread messages as well as several other nice features.
It would not be related to blogger in any way. We would be using a script, or program, installed on my site's server to run the forum or blog, whichever you desire. I can set up both and give you links to them so that you can see how it works.
Anonymous,
"Post Secret" was a project on Blogspot that was updated every Sundays introducing an average of 20 new pieces of work. We have 17 comments currently. Their blogspot's primary purpose was to be experimental while the main site was the actual project. Their initial focus on the blogspot was to see if the idea worked. It did. We've no purpose in experimenting, anonymous.
I have nver told this to anyone, but... i feel tired. Just completely exhausted with my life. Not that i'm going all emo or something to that extreme, its just that i feel tired. My home life is horriffying, really, I can safely bet that if I were to switch my life with anyone else they would probably have killed themselves by now. Yet, I do not want death, I want life, I want to go to college, get a great job, and make money so that i can give my family and myself a better life. Still, I' m tired.
Prototech to the rescue.
Velin, get together with tech, tech get together with Velin, find Moran, and have a party.
The forum will be hosted on the server by tech and moderated by Velin; get Moran's 2¢ and we're Grand.
Not to be disrespectful, but I don't see any way in which Post A Secret's blog is experimental. It's a site that draws over a million viewers a month, and if the man who runs it felt that the format wasn't working, he surely has the money by now to change it. He doesn't because it works.
Now, if the argument is that we should have a forum instead, that I agree with. It would be much easier to read. But Ms. Velin has been kind enough to provide us with this blog, and I am satisfied with whatever format she chooses.
i am so very much happy this is open!!
and that on guy who's name we can not mention, for legal reasons, is going DOWN!!!
I'm totally feeling you Vowel. Ms. Velin should take Prototech up on his/her offer. And wouldn't it be awesome if Ms. Moran was part of the site, too? Although sometimes I email her for advice. Mostly college and school and stuff like that. But it would be awesome if she swung by here too.
Ms. Moran always "swings" by our blog. She keeps tabs on her old students. :)
I will talk to her about prototech's offer and see what her opinion is. Thanks for all the advice.
This attack on your freedom of speech is a pathetic attempt by a detached and heartless administration that cares not for your well-being but rather is blinded by financial liability. Be smart, be wise, and this will all probably end in victory. We've already learned so much!
Jacksonovich,
Thank you for your eloquent words. Very wise, and very true. I think victory is already ours, with or without the books. I am so very proud of you all, and so is every single open-minded adult who has seen it. And personally, I don't really care what the close-minded, ignorant ones have to say about all of this anyway. ;)
notquitesure,
I have to agree that it is less and less about race and increasingly about our ignorance of other cultures. I also do not think that letter was racist, and I think any educated individual who actually read it (vs looked at the pictures) would agree. Perhaps that author could have expressed his/her anger without the photos, which would eliminate the element of personal interpretation, but what's done is done.
I disagree with you that racism does not exist, however. I think it still does, unfortunately, but like you, I think it stems from associating an attitude or behavior with color... again, out of ignorance. Our world is so filled with ancient hate that there are still those who hate color for color's sake, but I think they are (hopefully) a dying breed. We cannot ignore this reality, but we can be careful not to make this the scapegoat for all bi-racial problems (i.e. calling that letter racist because the problem happens to be with a person or group of a certain race.). We first need to educate ourselves, and THEN react - not the other way around.
wow. i couldn't agree more with notquitesure and Ms.Velin's response...
i've been with a total of three guys and i'm always saying how girls should keep their legs closed if they don't wanna get pregnant. does this make me a hypocrite? i mean i truly do believe i am in no way like some girls who go out of their way to be accepted by letting guys use them, but a friend told me three was too much, well at least for our age. i mean i'm not a hypocrite am i?
Feelings time.
I feel as if the world is rotting. The news has been quite the depressing network of disappointment. Nothing positive that matters ever comes on. We're getting no where very slowly. Whenever someone dies, 3 times out of 49 will it be because of an accident. The rest of the 46 will be the fault of someone's irrational behavior.
The typical response to this would be not to worry, we'll pull through. Maybe I will. Nonetheless, our world will buckle. The beginning of Failure is imminent.
i know what you mean. i feel the same way alot too. but i think people throughout history have always felt this way, don't you? i mean, it seems like every generation thinks that their's is the worst. but there is no choice but to keep going. and keep hoping that good people will prevail.
i was appalled when they took our books away. I hope we can get them back. Ms. Velin is one of the greatest teachers for doing this, keep on doing what ur doing. You have inspire to do better
thank you for the opportunity you gave me to write my deepest thoughts. I truly appreciate it.
blink,
no.
You're not a hypocrite IF you're having sex for the right reasons. Three guys is not too many. Well, really it only matters if its too many by your own standards. If you're doing it because you're trying to fill some type of void, you should stop. However, if you are doing it because you truly have deep feelings, and trust for the guys, then there's really nothing wrong with that. Everyone has different oppinions of how many is "too many" or how young is "too young". Despite what I've told you, all that really matters is what you think about the situation, cause only you know whats best for you.
Ms. Velin,
When i say racism doesn't exist, I mean that you can not truly hate someone for their race. It always stems from the whole culture thing. I know their are racial issues. But in my eyes, they are nothing more than excuses.
idk if I'm making sense. Imt rying to say that "racism" is not really racism, cause it's not the race that is hated...it's the culture which, all too often, is directly linked to race [and thought to be the same thing].
btw.
I'm so glad the tyrant is leaving.
WE'RE FREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
So,
I'm really upset.
Did anyone else hear about the shooting at Northern Illinios U??
what the hell is wrong with people these days???
(oh the reason im upset is because I'm going to college in illinios and I really don't want to go AND GET SHOT!!)
whudafxup??
The world needs to go through a DRASTIC change, or it will be over in a jiffy.
i would also say to blink that she is the only one who can really know what is ok and what isnt. it's different for everyone, and it is stupid to think that someone else can tell us. if you are feeling bad, then you are obviously not comfortable with what you are doing. in that case, change. but if you only THINK you should feel bad because of what other people say, then follow your own heart. you are the only one who has to live inside your skin, so it's only you who matters as far as what you do. but, i agree with what notquitesure said. if you know you are trying to fill a void or a pain inside of you, stay away from sex altogether. it will only make that pain worse. trust me on this one.
I think I've run out of secrets to tell to contribute to the blog....
It doesn't have to be a secret. You can post anything you feel like saying. Or, comment on what someone else wrote. This seems to have naturally evolved into more of a dialogue about life issues, which is just fine with me. It's just a place to speak your mind, even if it's as simple as, "It's freezing outside" which it actually is. :)
I AM GLAD MR. abcdef.... HAS PUT IN HIS RESIGNATION HE SHOULD HAVE DONE IT EARLIER AT LEAST MY SISTER WONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM FOR THE REST OF HER TIME IN HIGH SCHOOL.
hoooray HE IS GONE
Before you count your hoorays.... let's make sure the new principal isn't worse. Especially since test scores have been bad; this could mean a tougher principal comes in.
About the IU shooting,
This contributes to what I said earlier. Expect more.
Hell yeah Mr. Avacado has resign now Mrs. Velin can stay a little longer so students can have the opportunity to experience a good quality teacher. And a cute one for that matter.
finally,
okay well here is the deal i kissed this guy, and it was really great. but the problem is he used to go out with this chick that used to be a sister to me.
i must say i do like him a little, but do i just let it go or what?
i hope we get are books back just the way they were.
notquitesure and anonymous
thanks for the uplift. its just sometimes people think that cuz i'm young i'm automatically doing it for the wrong reasons. which i will admit that with one i did, but i've honestly learned from that experience that i should learn to trust my instinct. which i guess includes the one where i shouldn't feel like a hypocrite
OK so I'm pissed,
Some RANDOM guy that I had never talked to before IN MY LIFE just wrote me on myspace and sent a single word.
"Nigger"
all i could say back was
"excuse me" he then proceeded to tell me he loved me and when i told him to go take his medication, he said I was "hot and bothered"
i was upset about 3 seconds ago; but its funny now.
Sadly, with the chain of events that has occured in my life these past couple weeks, I'm losing ALL faith I had in the goodness of people.
It brings me to tears knowing that this is the world I live in and that it is not getting any closer to change.
If you're wondering, i still don't believe in racism. He's just ignorant, as is the rest of the world.
And to vowel,
I now know what you mean.
goodnight everyone.
omg i have the biggest crush on
mr. gonzales.
ms. velin do u know if he is gay??
All i have to say is that we better get our books back, and whatever needs to be done, my family has our backs
I don't know how, but I lost 6 pounds in less than five days.
Whoooooooooooo!!! Oh yeah!!!
Thank goodness the blog is up. I was beginning to go through blog withdraws haha.I'm glad your save Ms. Velin. You should go out and celebrate, dance or something. You look pale.
To a certain anonymous, I feel the same way: tired. Maybe something is in the pizza the school is serving us, who knows? But I also feel exhausted every day, whether I'm running around campus stressed out, or lazing around the house all day. Mental growing pains, perhaps? I guess it's just them monotony, or stress. But yes, the exhaustion is unnerving. Sometimes unbearably so.
I was looking at this little story and I was wondering if it's correct in suggesting that there is no such thing as selflessness. Do you agree? And do you ever do something selfless? If so, what?
(sorry for length)
Abe Lincoln (before his presidency) was traveling to Springfield by coach with two other lawyers. During the travel the two lawyers debated Lincoln, who told them there is no deed a man can do that is not selfish. Supposedly, as the lawyers were disagreeing Lincoln noticed a suckling pig stuck in a ditch, struggling in the mud. Lincoln tells the driver to halt and excuses himself from the two other lawyers to pull the pig from the ditch. He gets back in the coach and they continue. The two lawyers say " See, you just proved our point. How was saving that baby pig at all selfish?" Lincoln responded, "I did it to win this debate."
I agree
We need out books back asap. Just how they were. And the administartion can shove their censored [fake] books where the sun doesn't shine!! I mean that wholeheartedly =]
jerks.
sometimes i feel like im living my life as three people. i live it as the good boy that goes to school and gets good grades. the boy who everyone thinks is a good son in the family. and the boy who sneaks out of his house to go party. and its driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!!
i cant keep living this triple life.
but i dont want to give up any of them
This Is How I Still Feel About Her...
If I Could Have Just One Wish
I Would Wish To Wake Up Everyday
To The Sound Of Your Breath On My Neck
The Warmth Of Your Lips On My Cheek
The Touch Of Your Fingers On My Skin
And The Feel Of Your Heart Beating With Mine
Knowing That I Could Never Find That Feeling
With Anyone Other Than You
i agree with the two people that said they are tired. But i have a different tired. I run around school, have two AP classes, do a lot of extracurricular activities that require running and i have my responsibilities at home. But i look at it like, this is high school. the years full of madness and drama. Live it up while you can and don't let anything or anyone ruin the way you feel about anything. Just take a shot of an energy drink and keep going. You will be thankful in the end because you will be a stronger person mentally and physically.
To another anonymous
Mr. Gonzales is happily married with a boy and a girl. If he is gay, he's on the downlow ;)I know how you feel though, in freshman year I had the biggest crush on... Mr. Murray. *looks around* Yes, I said it!
This is a weird secret, but I've always wondered:
Is meat the muscle of the animal? o.O
I've always been curious. Actually, I might research it today if I have the chance. I love meat... with veggies, of course.
If meat is the muscle of the animal, how can it taste good if the animal was bred in a factory? Is that why home grown animals are better tasting?
The wonder of meat... yum...
To Divine Being,
Yes, I know what you mean. I have 3 AP classes, and the teachers hardly give any slack. I love them that way though. AP classes can way you down when you take more than one. And instead of running activities, I have to take care of the house while my parents are in college, and take care of a boyfriend. So it's rough, and I'm ultra tired. But your right: for some people, what won't kill you will make you stronger; for others, what won't kill you will shorten the process.
I thought we had moved past this. I thought our days of making out behind everyone's backs was over. I thought we had gone back to being the old friends we used to be. But then you kissed me on my friend's bed and all rational thought went out the window. But what does it mean? What are your intentions? Am I just someone you can toy with or do you genuinely care for me?
hdalbndmlansa.
I am so confused.
someone told me recently,
that the only reason why the guys i like a lot, end up dating, or liking a lot one of my best friends, is because the man upstairs has the perfect guy waiting for me and he keeps seeing me going after the wrong guys, so he intercedes them from me with someone i know to get me from thinking about them. I'd like to think it's the truth, but sometimes i wonder. Maybe it's just cause i'm not the prettiest dress on the rack. =/
Sorry for the sudden random thought but,
Frequently seeing the word anonymous here reminds me of the group of protesters on Scientology uproared by the notorious internet bandits called Anonymous.
lulz indeed.
i just can't tell her. shes wonderful. shes bright. shes witty. shes joyful. shes so many things. i just can't tell her that she makes me smile everyday.
to anonomys
from anonymys.
haha mr murray??
i kind of have a strong feeling about mr. gonzales.
my gaydar is hardly ever wrong.
i am cravying one so badly.
you have no idea how hard it is dropping a habbit like mine.
i want so badly to put that cigarette up to my mouth.
hear the clicking of the lighter as it puts the tip to a burn.
i want to smell the tobacco in the air and feel the smoke creep into my lungs as it slowly ruins them
but i just cant do it.
To Smoker,
Keep trying to avoid the cigarette. You can do it! Have faith, and light candles. They smell better ^-^
I'm in love.
I can't be with him because he lives in another state. I try to forget about it by talking to guys around here. But none of them mean anything. I love him so much.
To anyone who cares,
I'm recently trying to get over a taco addiction...
I'm in love (well, dating, I'm not sure if its love yet) with a guy who is as slow as molasses...
And think I still have a crush on my teacher... his last name starts with the fourth to last letter in the alphabet...
I have an obsession with Keane songs.
And the strangest part is, they can bring out the saddest, most passionate emotions when I sing them. Even in my happiest moments.
They make me face my insecurities, remember my past. How my parents fought, and how they are still fighting. And about my occasional distorted self image. Sometimes I do wish that I can disappear.
"Oh Crystal ball, hear my song fading out, everything I know is wrong..."
What is Keane?
I have a question.
What do you guys think would happen if the world stopped spinning??
I have been asking this question for days just to see peoples answers and Im curious.
I personally think we would all fall off. that might sound stupid but I've read a couple places that its true (and my mom think so too) =p
so what do you think?!?!?!?!?!
To Crystal Ball and Camie Jo,
I like Keane! They are a British piano rock band, and the sung "Is it any wonder," "Crystal Ball," "Try Again," among others. They're a good group, although some songs are sad, despite their goodness.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucODEFzaVpY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gppLf4XduoI
Dear Dad,
You left me when I was seven years old. I have always loved you, but now that I have grown up some, I also hate you. You took your life and that is such a selfish thing to do. I hate you for not trying, you took the easy way out, and how am I supposed to idolize you, my own father, if when your were in trouble, instead of coping, you shot yourself to end it. (sorry for that huge run-on, im just ranting). I pray and talk to you often but I will never, NEVER forgive you for doing what you did. Because of you, I had, and now will never have again, a father to help me through life. At the same time I still love you, but I often wonder if thats only because I feel like i'm obligated to, as people are expected to love their parents. Look, it's been nine years since you left me, and i'm still crying about it, did you think we'd all forget you? How pathetic. =[
Dear little lostminx,
you understand all too well. Seems like i know you ...
I cried the day the took our books away.
Are we getting them back??
Sometimes I feel as if the world is crashing down on me, people look at me at school as if I'm ugly and annoying. I see myself as a girl with low self-confidence; and who is shy. I like to think I'm nice and 'cool' but other people have different oppinions about me. No one truely knows how I feel right now, I don't even know how I feel right now. This boy just told me he liked me and he thinks I'm cute, but I don't know If I like him back. We are friends and I met him this year but I just don't know. I want a boyfriend but think it would be wrong to go out with someone who I'm not sure I like in the first place. I am mutual. I want a boyfriend but don't want to hurt someone if things don't work out. People need to know how I feel; they need to hear me out and listen to my problems. I just don't know how to react to certain things at the momment. I am who I am.
Dear Ifeelgood,
Ha! I laughed out loud at your question about the world, and though I've never thought of it, I think we would too. :)
Keep asking and post the different answers you get...
Anonymous,
I cried on the day they took our books too. It looks like I'm going to have to fight more than just our administration to get them back, but I am ready and willing to do so. It may take some time, but hang in there. I have a legion of people working behind us on this...you will get your book back one way or another. I commend you for caring as much as you do.
my brother is my hero, there is no doubt to that.
i know he is going to make it back home alive.
but sometimes i wonder if he will.
sometimes i am so scared of finding out that something happened to him in the war.
i dont know how i would live without him.
but at the same time i know that guy is too stubborn to die.
but it is still so incredibly scarry to think that one day i can wake up and feel dead and empty insede.
he has been my life, my father figure, my big broham, and hero for the past sixteen years.
and i dont want him to stop being that. EVER
i have felt so...empty lately.
so unlike myself.
i really wonder what it is thats missing.
because i want it back.
i dont feel normal and i hate it.
how am i suppose to get back to feeling to the crazy self i once was.
Life is so confuising sometimes, Just live with it.
im scared.
of beginning my "adult" life after high school.
i feel pathetic.
i cant seem to get a job at any place. how am i supposed to make it out on the real world.?
all i want to do is make my family and parents proud. i want them to be as proud as they were before everything. before i came out of the closet. before i started drinkng. before they caught me sneaking out of my house. before i made them not want to be around me. i dont want to be the person my family talks about behind my back. i dont want to be wat my mom calls "the worst son" out of her four children. i dont want to die knowing absolutely nothing about my father's life. evrerything is just spiraling out of my grasp. i wish i could keep up wih everything that is going on. i wish i could be like my cousin.
he's perfect.
to the one i hate
to tell you the truth i really dont like you. we have threw allot and i really loved you. the thing is i hate you now and that hasnt changed. i cant stand you anymore. i am sorry but i know that you had other ideas but it is true. let me live my life and you can live yours.
to the "bad son",
if what your family says behind your back is right, why don't you start changing those things that you don't like and they don't like? it doesn't sound like you are proud of the way you have been, so why not just begin to change? i know its not that easy, but you can do it if it really matters to you. one day at at time. just focus on being someone you are proud of and sooner or later, your family will feel the same way.
I'm tired of:
being pushed around, not like being bullied by people or anything like that.
people taking advantage of my kindness, yes, I am a nice person at times. I "pretend" that the things people say don't phase me but they do, they really do bother me and it's horrible, I probably shouldn't listen to them but I can't help it.
my mother and her stupidity, almost my whole family hates me...serious. I didn't do anything to them, I even asked about the situation and they were all like "well, you just didn't meet up to expectations." - What a load of CRAP!
I'm not a failure, and I need to be somewhere that the people closest to me won't think that.
I've had mental breakdowns before, not fun, I missed two months of school b/c of it...last school year...almost wasn't able to keep up with my classes & I ended up sitting in summer school for six weeks.
I do NOT intend on letting that happen to myself as long as I can help it.
I would rather ditch almost everyone here and live as an entirely new person that stay here as the person everyone already knows. People expect too much out of me. I can't take it anymore, I've tried, I've cracked & I don't want to do it again. Therefore, I have tried my hardest to get into a school that's far away. I am going to more or less reinvent my identity.
what is love, really?
i dont mean the whole "oh my gosh pooke i love you so much" not that boyfriend girlfriend love.
but i mean to really love somebody.
why do we love our family members?
do i have to because they are family?
shouldnt i love somebody because i choose to?
or the love between friends.
how does that work?
i have friends i truely care about, but i mean to actually love those people.
how would a person actually know what that is?
is it real?
this is to all of those book readers,
is it completely crazy to be completely attached to, obsessed with, or in love with a fictional character?
because i have had encounters with some fictional characters who have completely stuck to me and i kind of feel crazy, but i cant help it.
i get attached to people who dont exist
i had a dream about her the other night. we were talking. i realized that i miss hearing her voice everyday. i miss her. i know it will never be the same, but it was nice.
i know, i know nobody wants to hear the stupid break up story, but im feeling so eh about it and this is the only place i can think to go.
i miss him so much. and i dont want to.
all i want to do is hear the sound of his voice.
he is the only one who makes me feel better, even though he's the one who broke me.
we fought so much and it wasnt right but i cant stop thinking about him anymore.
i love him. i know what do i (or any teenager for that matter know about love) but its like he completed me.
i love the crust of poptarts and hate the middle, but he says the crust gets in the way of the best part. how is that not perfect?
i just want to hear his voice, its so soothing, its perfect, its all i need.
and i just still cant believe it ended.
yeah im crying right now. ugh how pathetic!
but is it really? i honestly dont know anymore.
i dont know anything.
i just know i miss him. and its been like a month
what is wrong with me?????
just so you know, i still wear the neckalace. i cant take it off. i NEVER will.
i still love, dont fortget that
I don't mean to sound crazy or anything, but I met a guy online, and we talk a lot, but I've never met him in person yet. . . I am actually starting to like him, what should I do? Is it strange to feel things for someone who you never truely met? Yes he goes to my school, but still. . . Any advice?
Ladies,
Trust me when I tell you that there will be other loves, and believe it or not, you will feel just as deeply for them as you do now with these boys. Life is a journey and we meet people along the way for a reason. Take what you learned from him and move on. You will use the lessons from him to make your next love that much better. That is why we date - to prepare for the ONE. I know it hurts, but you will heal and love again. Trust me. :)
yeah i guess its true.
but is it true you never forget your first love?
how did you know your guy was the one ms velin
and is it weird to listen to our songs?
sometimes it feels like it helps to just have a good cry
i dont know, being a girl is hard sometimes
Yes, it is always hard to listen to music you shared with another. And, no, you don't ever forget your first love. And yes, sometimes all you need is a good cry. You sound like you are right where a broken heart should be...you are doing ok. :)
i want to run
just run away
for as long as my body allows me
i just want to get away
far, far away
just run until my lungs collapse and my legs completely give out on me
forget the world
and everybody in it
just disappear
and forgotten
start all over
become a new me
i like a guy
who probaly doesn't even consider me a real friend
and whats worse is he is completely against what i believe in
i mean i've barely met him
i hardly talk to him
and yet i can't help but get nervous when he's around
its like i wanna impress him or something
why do i let this boy get to me?
it shouldn't even be a big deal
yet i can't stop thinking about it
hopefully i'll get the nerves to walk across the classroom and actually make it known
i like you
and i still don't even know why
I like this guy that sits by me in one of my classes.. and i think he likes me.. but im not sure if im ready to move on past what i have gone through with HIM....if you know me then you know who im talking about. Is it called not emotionally stable?
and why am i feeling this way?
i'm tired of hearing i "lost" my "grandfaher" this year, he wasn't my grandpa. [apparently blood isn't thicker then water.] my true grandpa passed away a long time ago and even though he wasn't perfect and he wasn't "technically" related to me, he was more family then i could have asked for.
but now my grandma too? hasn't she told the doctors for years now? hasn't she endured enough? why does this have to happen to her too?
why does cancer even exist?
wtf is its purpose?
to ruin lives?
families?
wtf is wrong with you doctors?
when someone says theres something seriously wrong with them
you don't brush it aside
and randomly pop pills in there mouth, you figure out what it is. whats going on. you don't wait until its too late
so what now?
no chemo, no surgery?
your just gonna let the cancer spread and let her die?
if you dumbfucks did your job
she wouldn't be in this position right now and i wouldn't hate myeself for hating you so much.
hmm, I haven't been here in a while. Well I have, but I haven't had anything to post. I still don't. I guess I could tell you that I have a new boyfriend, and he's really sweet.
uhh
That's it.
heh.
mkay bye!
Should I be even more cautious?
Is being nice a flaw
I don’t know anything anymore…
Rage overwhelms my mind
But the more I try to unwind
The more it consumes
The longer I live, the longer I’m here
The more I see, the more I hear,
The more I learn, and the more I fear
The more I hate my surroundings and what’s near
The more I trust, the more I learn not to
The more comfortable I get
And the more down my guard, I let
The more betrayal comes my way
So I begin to question
I go on the defensive,
Wishing I was objective,
I run through my options
My feet stand frozen, I look, stuck
Wishing a change in luck
Wishing to be free
But soon I feel alone, no one to rescue me
I stand forgotten
Nice guys finish last, that’s the truth
i like this guy in my class but i dont know about him cuz hes like wack hes like all into school and we actually talk about somethng else he acts all weird what should i do cuz i want to tell him lots of things but just cant
I just saw "Into the Wild" on a commercial. It's coming out on DVD.
Im so happy I finally talked to L*******N yesterday we had a nice conversation. Thank you to the person on the last blog.
I hope we talk again.
too many guys.
not that im a slut just too many options.
one wants to asked me out, and hes cute and fun but a loser.
the other is adorable and great, but it just isnt like that, but i know he wants it to be.
the other ive known for ages and he tried to kiss me, it scared me, in a good way.
then one of them is way off limits, but i am crushing on him so badly.
and then i still miss him.
sigh :(
Mrna,
that was random... 'nuff said.
I have so many things going on in my life that i don't even know what to write about. so many conflicting emotions and i don't know what to do.
I ate so much right now. More than what a normal person eats in a week, I need to get rid of it. I just don't want to resort to throwing up. I don't want to become bulimic but I also don't want to get fat. I can feel myself getting fatter because of all the calories I just consumed.
My bulimia is getting worse. I don't know what to do. I depend on it like an alcoholic depends on that one last glass of Whiskey to wash away years of emotional pain for just a few hours of drunken pain. I depend on that last purge before bed to quiet the thoughts for the night and that first purge in the morning to stop the thoughts from starting off my day. In between is Hell. At the end of the day I purge to bring the thoughts to a halt and prepare myself for the fight ahead. After hours of enduring that emotional abuse, I start my cycle again. I can't keep doing this. I don't want to do this anymore. I can feel my body begging my to stop but my mind won't let me. How do I stop? I want to give it up but I'm completely dependent on it.
i'm tired of my parents bossing me around "come and do this"..."no you're not supposed to do that"..or "why cant you understand"..i hate those words so much..
and what i hate now the most is that they are following me everywhere i go...
and now they care about me...
but when i needed them in my freshman year..they gave a damm about me..
they didnt care that i had bad grades...and when i had good grades i would show them...and they wouldnt even pay attention...
but oh no...now that i am failing my classes ...now they do care...i had to get bad grades to get their attention..and its too late...
my mom doesnt even care if i go to college or not...
now my dads says that i cant stay afterschool and do some work or go out....until i have good grades...back then all he cared was my big step-sister..oh yeah to him she was the most important person....but what was i to him??...well i was nothing...
he started to hit me really bad once she left the house....he would grab me from the neck and throw me against the wall or to the floor....he would grab me from my hair and shake me so hard that it would hurt and i would start crying...they dont understand what i'm goin thru...and my parents say that the reason i have bad grades are my friends...i'm tired of my parents saying....it bugs me...they dont understand that they are the reason i have bad grades...sometimes i just want to die because they hurt me soo much...=(
Dear Sotiredofallmyproblems,
It's obvious that your parents have as many (if not more) problems than you do. I know that they are the adults and are supposed to be taking care of you, but unfortunately life doesn't always work the way it should. Just know that they do not understand you, and probably don't understand themselves either. You know who you are and why you do the things you do, so start living the way YOU want to live. Don't throw your life away because they don't pay attention. It's obvious that they are not capable of being the kind of parents that you wish you had right now, so don't make things worse on yourself. Succeed because YOU want to, regardless if they notice or not. I promise you that you will be much happier knowing that you have lived life in a way that you can be proud of, versus failing because they don't give a damn. That course of action will only hurt you in the long run, so don't chance it.
You be who and what you want to be and if they don't notice, it's their loss.
busybeingfabulous,
ok, so STOP IT!!! i mean, i don't know how hard it is to stop throwing up, but it seems like you want to soooo bad. cant you just try at least? and then if that is not working, do you have any adults or friends you could tell? you need some kind of support i would guess. some things are too hard to do by ourselves.
just a thought...
Anonymous,
I do want to stop but it's not as easy as you make it out to sound. I don't like to say it's an addiction but that's the closest explanation I can give. It's like this: the bulimia is there when no one else is. When I'm alone, the bulimia is there. When I'm having a bad day, the bulimia is there. That's the one thing I can depend on no matter what. As stupid and farfetched as that sounds it's the truth. My close, close friends know about it but they all think I have stopped. I don't want to disappoint anyone so I keep it to myself.
Why are the taken guys so much more tempting than the rest? I think I have a problem.
i have finally caved in ... yes i know the one that said jobs are for old people and those that are greedy and retarded.... the one that said that those who get jobs wont be able to enjoy their high school years or have a life anymore is finally going to apply for a job. I know i wont have a problem getting a job but the simply fact of it being called work just creeps me out and makes it seem so negative. May be i just ned to grow up ....
I've been masterbating almost everyday since i was 5.
I think about sex all the time.
I've slept with 7 guys.
I fear I may be addicted.
I've not had sex in nearly 3 months and my urges have only gotten stronger. I now masterbate many times a day. I'm in a long distance relationship with someone I love dearly and Im so afraid I'll cheat.
help?
dear addict,
can i ask you if you can remember being abused as a young girl? only because i was, and i have had the same struggles as you. don't feel bad, but don't feel like you have no choice but to keep doing what you have been. i don't think the masterbatiopn is a problem, but be careful with how many guys you sleep with. std's are everywhere and getting one of those will only make you feel 1000 times worse. things will work themselves out at some point, but just know that you are not the only girl to feel this way. i think that if we could all be really honest, there are alot of us out there. you are not alone so dont feel weird.
dear anonymous,
actually I was molested by a family member as a child. But I began masterbating long before that (unless there were times when i was too young to remember.)
I've actually never cheated on a boyfriend before, but I've never been so far away either.
Im so scared of getting an std and that's partially why i stopped, mainly because of my boyfriend. But i fear if we break up I'll go back to my old ways.
Thanks for letting me know Im not alone.
how do you deal with it?
lonely
and the loneliness is getting greater
its going nowhere
and i hate this stupid feeling
i dont know why i do
just everything keeps going wrong
i always appear happy and ready to take life on, face to face
but im about ready to give up
just give up on everything
ive lost all hope
i lie so much that i dont know what is true anymore.. i have these mental pictures but i dont know if they are actual events or something that i made up ?
i have an over active imagination or whatever it is called.. but i like it .. i dont ever feel lonely.. but i feel bad for everyone else that i lie to ...
I like coming here to read other people's problems, not because i'm nosy but because it makes me forget about my own.
I think I'm bulemic. However, I just had a satisfying bowl of Yoshinoya. Veggie and beef. Yum. That's almost a catharsis all in itself. I found out I got bad grades in a couple of classes, and I almost went emo... Yoshinoya makes it all better... yum... now time for ice cream...
Sometimes I wish I can just skip high school. Press fast forward and move on with my life.I hate not knowing what my grades are until the end, and how they constantly fluctuate. It is nerve wracking, especially when parents are constantly breathing down your neck. I just want to get it done.
Secretive smoker
Sometimes I don't know what has actually happened in my life. I dream so much that sometimes im unaware of what is actually reality and its scary. People ask questions and I dont know if i can answer them truthfully. I have a hard time concentrating on things, sometimes im so frusterated because its a chore just to focus on the simplist of things. Am i stupid, bored, or do i just not care? cause i do care, its just a lot of effort involved. I hate thinking so much and I like smoking because it slows things down, and i can actually focus, instead of drowning in the billions of thoughts racing through my mind each second. Its my escape but at the same time i feel like it slows me down more. Im tired of being so lazy. i keep telling myself ill change it, but its hard and so far isnt happening yet... how do i fix this?
You fix it by stopping the smoking, which creates laziness, lethargy, and the inability to focus. Everyone knows that. It's not a secret, you just need to stop.
ever since i met you
i have never felt more lonley in my life
all i can do is think about you:
when are you gonna call?
what are you doing?
are you thinking of me too?
when are you going to text
or IM?
why wont you text or IM?
why did i have to meet you?
why do you have a gf?
am i not good enough for you?
why cant i just put it in my juic box and suck it up? i mean i have only known you for a little while, but it still feels like ive known you forever.
you said i was just like you only a girl.
so why not me?
Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if my boyfriend cheated on me. And whenever I do, I end up feeling this crushing sensation on my chest, and I go on the brink of crying. And then one day, it just came to me: I just thought, "...I'd forgive him, of course." And it felt so... obvious. What else is there to do but forgive? Six years into the relationship, with so many memories with each other to treasure, of course you're going to have to forgive. Especially if they are sorry about it. But I know this will be hard to do. I'll probably feel intense anger for a month, if not two or three, and if he's still around by then, my anger would probably subside.--But how can you trust them again once they've strayed?
At any rate, I shouldn't even be thinking about this.
Trust.
i've met the most cold hearted people at rialto high
i mean how could you live with yourself??!!!?
the things you people say and do......
i really wish you get a reality check...
sooner or later your day will come.....
and i just hope I'm there to witness it........
I'm actually really glad I'm graduating.....
i wont have too see the disgusting heartless monsters that go to that school.
I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!!!!
BUT I DONT CAUSE NO ONE WILL LISTEN.
I feel like... eating an orange. No, really. Eating oranges is like my drug. I sniff them, and sometimes, I put them in a paper bag, and sniff them. Once, I bought orange peels from the store, cooked them, and sniffed them... it's so good... And it leaves me smelling minty fresh :]
where the HELL are our books??
Where the HELL are our books? Great question. As you know, when they were "confiscated" we were told that we would get them back once they were censored. Well, kids, it looks like that was a lie. There has been absolutely nothing said about them giving back or reimbursing us for them. This whole thing is just unreal. I'm just waiting to see what is going to happen and then figure it out. Don't distress; you will not graduate empty-handed! Oh, and if you get bored this weekend, go earn some rice grains for the hungry kids at www.freerice.com!!!!!!
i usually come on here to hear other peoples life problems. it makes me feel better about my own. but now nobody ever comes on here. why? i miss you guys. so much
A,
I don't know either. Before I shut it down we had several posts every day. Maybe I just need to remind everyone that we're still up and running. I KNOW they all have more to say (I hear them when they don't think I do!).
As dumb as this sounds, this really helps. I mean, just pouring out my soul relieves a tiny portion of me. It's nice being able to tell complete strangers my deepest thoughts and secrets without worrying about what they think of me. I wish I could tell someone close to me all the things I share on here.
I always think about my problems in Ms. Velin's class because I remember that people are hardly posting, but by the time I get home, I forget what I wanted to say. Not because they are lies, but because I'm good at hiding my emotions and pretending everything is ok. That's why you will always see a smile on my face. Even if it's fake.
i know what you mean. its weird how even though no one knows it's me, i still feel like i've gotten it off my chest. maybe not as much as if i could tell someone who i hope would still love and accept me, but there is still a part of me that feels freer...or something like that.
Help Feed The Starving Masses!!
Go to www.freerice.com and help the UN send rice to the starving masses. Tell your friends people.
Please & Thank-you so much.
:]
every time he puts his arm around me, i feel like screaming
every time kiss him, its just a forced action
every time we talk, i try my hardest to care
yeah im talking about my bf
i am completely unhappy, but i dont know what to do.
i know people will say to just end it but its really not that simple
bvall i want to do is be that girl
the girl of your dreams
the one that you can say goodnight to every night.
and not the one you had to sneak around just to hang out with
im tired of being your best kept secret
i hate that you have a gf
it kills me more and more every day
because every day i think i am falling in love with you more and more.
oh my goodness it felt good to say that. i have barely been able to admit to myself that im in love with this guy but now i finally said it.
yeah i think mentioning the blog in class will get kids back on here.
I love rice and it is getting expensive as hell.
I love rice and it is getting expensive as hell.
I think people stopped coming here cause they shut us up....
Don't let them shut us up.
Im deeply in love.
It's the most terrifying yet exhilarating thing i have ever felt.
I've never been even close to this.
He's perfect.
purebliss,
just be happy he loves you back
i think im in love with the most perfect guy only......
he doesnt feel the same way
i absolutely hate it
ok here's what you all have to try
go to cold stone
and get cheesecake ice cream
then get oreo cookies, graham cracker pie crust, fudge and strawberries
its so bomb i think im in love
but it could just be that im pms'ing idk
but try it anyway
Dear Going Crazy
I know what you mean. I also have a bf and i've been with him for a while. It's not that i don't love him, because i do. But there are times when i can't stand being around him, i can't stand having his arm around me, or him trying to kiss me. Sometimes i tell him no and he gets mad and sort of hurt. I don't really know what to do.
Sometimes I am afraid to be alone because my thoughts scare me. It's worse at night before I go to sleep and all I have are my thoughts to comfort me. I wish I didn't have these thoughts. I hate the fear they bring. I hate how I dread sleeping and being alone. Why won't they stop? Why do my thoughts get stronger? Why do I have to be so weak and give in to them? Sometimes I fear that I will act on those thoughts just to get them to stop.
Lately it feels as if my boyfriend isn't as into me (as a woman) as before. I wonder what I've done? But we still hang out like best pals, play video games, talk, practice, cook, have fun together... It's just... when we're alone, it doesn't even seem like he thinks about those kind of stuff anymore.
I don't know what to do.
Yeah!!!!! rice is getting expensive and doesnt rice remind you of pubic lice
The end of the school year arrived and we didn't get our books. I had hoped that by the end of the year they would reconsider and we'd get them back. But we didn't. So. . . . . .now what?
ok so i have a cofession
i was taken adavantage of
idk how to deal with it
at all
i was drinking
and asked the guy to not take advantage cuz i get kinda friendly when i drink
and the last thing i remember was kissin him on the couch
and then i blacked out
before i know it he is freakin out saying it broke
idk what to do or think
cuz i really like this kid
HLEP!!!!!
to the one who got taken advantaged, by now you should kno if u r preg or anytjing like that and if u r not then u should cut ur relationship with that person bcuz he shouldnt have done that in the first place wen u had already asked him not to. besides u shouldnt even have to aska guy to not take advantage of u. if he had respected u it wouldnt have happened so if i was u, i would hav cut all contact with him.
ms. velin
did you forget about us
Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. I wonder if I truly deserve the abuse. They say I am useless, maybe I am. They say I am only good for being bulimic, maybe I am. My brother beats the crap out of me and they blame me. Do I somehow deserve it?
Is it wrong that I embrace my eating disorders and don't want to change? They keep me safe. They are reliable. They don't hurt me the way they do. They are the only stable thing in my life right now. Why should I be forced to give them up? I can tell you everyway that these disorders have destroyed me physically but deep down I can overlook that because emotionally and mentally they take care of me in ways I never imagined. At least I'm not on drugs or drinking. I work, go to school full-time, pay my bills. I am a good kid. I don't want to blame them for what I have become but I do. I hate them so much. I hate the woman who gave birth to me. I hate the man who is supposed to be my father. I hate the kid who is supposed to be my brother.
Am I wrong for this? Am I wrong for not loving them even though they are my family? Am I wrong that I distant myself from others just to protect myself? I am so messed up. I am so unloveable. I don't know what to do.
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